Return to Newsletter Archives

Volume 8  Number 7   |  July 2018

Eliminating Intimidation

No one intimidates us. We allow ourselves to be intimidated. Even bullies can’t intimidate us unless we enable them to do so. (This is the same as motivation—no one can motivate you, despite the theatrics—it’s intrinsic.)

Why are we intimidated?

We often see ourselves as imposters, people who will be “found out”—despite the empirical reality of our past successes. Even if we’re more confident than that, and have a higher sense of self-worth, we find ourselves in other peoples’ offices, on their turf, dealing with people with 8-figure budgets, and thousands of employees, who are powerful in their organizations.

We also often believe—erroneously—that we’re “selling” something, and it’s obvious, instead of offering value that is critically needed. We see ourselves as subordinates, as venders, almost as supplicants.

Finally, we’re too afraid of losing the business. We compromise, refuse to confront, and fear rocking the boat.

Ironically, all of these beliefs, reflected in our behaviors, undermine us still more and create the opposite of the desired effect: We’re not respected, we have no leverage, and we’re not seen as peers.

What to do about it?

You mindset needs to be focused, before you ever walk into the buyer’s office, on these issues and realities:

• You are present to offer value and improve the buyer’s condition, both professionally and personally.

• Your future does not depend on this person purchasing anything from you.

• If you weren’t appealing to the buyer’s self-interests, you wouldn’t be sitting there to begin with.

• The more you act as any peer would—feeling free to disagree, to challenge, to offer different approaches—the more you’ll be accepted as a peer.

• Empty your head of the household repairs, the kids’ school grades, the argument with your spouse, and the new car you can’t figure out how to afford. Stay in the moment with the buyer.

How to best do this?

Wake up in the morning to music or TV or whatever that really pleases you. Don’t listen to the morning news which is negatively slanted on all sources. Treat your family well and refuse to enter into debates. “I can talk about that tonight, but I have to prepare for an important meeting now.” Wear an outfit you really like and that suits you well. Continue this if you’re driving or in a limo or cab.

Finally, arrive early at your appointment and take ten minutes to orient yourself in this positive mood. Give yourself a pep talk about the bullet points above.


The buyer controls the turf. But you control the right stuff.

© Alan Weiss 2018

Would you like an advance copy of my eBook: The Martial Arts of Language? I’ll send the unedited manuscript for $50 (about 40 pages, including 101 Questions for Every Sales Situation) if you agree to point out an typos and provide a brief endorsement—and any additional language you’d like to see. I’ll update it for free for a year.

Send me an email if you're interested.



You are subscribed as: _email_
To REMOVE or CHANGE this address,
click here: