Alan Weiss’s Monday Morning Memo® – 3/31/25
How’s your ego?
“Ego” is usually and colloquially identified as a sense of self-esteem. In psychology it’s that aspect of the mind that referees between the conscious and unconscious and tests for reality and personal identity. (I’m not going into “id” and “superego” here!)
I’ve been to Australia 19 times and have a great many clients there. About two-thirds of them refer to the “tall poppy syndrome” wherein, if someone possesses or executes something well, it’s resented (the other third deny this or tell me it’s from bygone days). Thus, a new and expensive car in Australia might be damaged by the envious. Or an outstanding performance might be negatively critiqued, undeservedly. Here, in the US, having had dozens of such cars, I’m invariably asked how much it costs, what the performance is like, and how to attain one. There is admiration, not bitterness.
Thus, the “tall poppy” is mowed down in one place, and looked upon with respect in another. Whether or not I’m doing the Australians a disservice (and I’m sure I’ll learn this tomorrow morning) my point is this: People with a healthy ego are at peace with themselves, and while ambitious, are not envious. An unhealthy ego will either try to compete with rodomontade (“I can ski better than she can”) or undermine (“Skiing is just a dumb sport”).
We expose a weak ego (either gloating about skiing better or condemning the sport if we can’t) when we have low esteem. Using others' metrics for ourselves contributes to low esteem. Hence, if someone else at the table clearly knows wine better than you, and you find this threatening, you won’t try to learn and might not even say you’d prefer white to red when the latter makes you gag. Or, you might refuse a glass of wine and state, disingenuously, that an espresso martini is preferred with the meal (which is a ludicrously bad habit, since it ruins the taste buds).
A healthy self-esteem keeps your ego from becoming weak and pleading for recognition or denying recognition to others. Don’t lead with your ego, don’t display it on the bow of the ship in winds, waves, and tides.
Keep it tucked away in the cargo hold. Don’t worry, it won’t go down with the ship.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called “Ego.” —Friedrich Nietzsche
Leadership is not a popularity contest; it's about leaving your ego at the door. The name of the game is to lead without a title. —Robin S. Sharma
If you get your ego in your way, you will only look to other people and circumstances to blame. —Jocko Willink
The ego is not master in its own house. —Sigmund Freud
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