The Esteem Machine
Some machines have pressure gauges to inform us as to whether the pressure is too low to sustain effective operation, or so high that the machine may malfunction. The color green is usually effective, white too low, red too high.
I’ve felt that some of the classic problems consultants and entrepreneurs in general encounter with esteem is that they are seldom in the green. They either have mistaken notions of a white “humility” or approach the red of narcissism. The question becomes how does one stay pumped without blowing the gaskets.
Here are my observations:
Low Esteem (white, low range)
• Incapacity to stand up for oneself.
• Sacrificing of personal objectives and needs for others at all times.
• Pervasive guilt.
• Becoming intimidated by other’s offices, salaries, possessions, awards.
• Poor use of language; non-power language.
• Vacillation over decisions as if each one were life and death in its repercussions.
• Fearful of change.
• Constant self-editing of written and spoken communication.
• Negative self-talk.
• Apologizes even when there is no fault or culpability.
• Sees setbacks as final, personal, and critical.
• Gives constantly without taking.
Narcissism (red, high range, danger)
• Belief that different rules apply from those for everyone else.
• Imprudent risk taking.
• Accepting all credit personally, assigning all blame to others.
• The arrogant belief that all learning necessary has been accomplished.
• Irrational self-talk. (“No one has ever done what I have.”)
• Irrational claims and outright lies. (“I received a $75,000 advance for my book.”)
• Hearing an idea, stealing it, and claiming it as one’s own.
• The expectation that all attention should be paid to them.
• Aggressively stealing the limelight when others briefly have it.
• Insisting that they are not only right, but others must be wrong.
• Self-absorption/obliviousness that makes them miss what’s happening around them.
• Constantly talk about themselves.
• Never apologizes.
• Takes, does not give.
Positive (green, healthy range)
• Positive self-talk. (“I’m a good marketer, that person simply didn’t want to buy today.”)
• Sharing of credit, acceptance of blame when justified.
• Seeks compromise on objectives when there is conflict, but does not sacrifice “musts.”
• Cedes others the spotlight and is gracious in praising others.
• Can confront and debate without becoming ad hominem.
• Does not self-edit, can apologize when needed.
• Highly resilient.
• Uses language powerfully and well.
• Identifies those occasions apologies are necessary and provides them.
• Demonstrates empathy readily.
• Takes justified pride in accomplishments.
• Can accept a compliment graciously and well.
• Gives and takes with equal fervor.
Where are you on the indicator?
© Alan Weiss 2016
