Identity Crisis

Identity Crisis

From 36,000 feet, posted from a Delta jet with wifi:

I’ve counseled hundreds of people who have involuntarily lost their jobs. And I’ve found a fundamental difference among those who are resilient and those who are desperate.

I had been asked by a mutual friend to give advice and counsel on how to become a high-level consultant to the former vice chair of a major bank whose division was merged into another, and who was given both a large severance and his walking papers. He had been making well over a million a year. I despise doing things like this for free (Would a banker give me free investment advice?), but I capitulated and agreed to a breakfast.

While I listened to him, he sounded exactly like a vice chairman still, which is not good, so as the omelets arrived I unleashed one of my prime questions. (Prime questions are those so basic and direct that they require an honest answer which will inform you immediately about the likely need or outcome. There are 13 such prime questions. No, I will not reveal the other 12, because I really do get paid for such things.)

“If you were offered the presidency of a major division at Bank of America, or one of their vice chairmanships, at about the same money as you were making before, would you accept?” (The prime question: “Would you return to the status quo antebellum?”)

“In a Brooklyn minute,” he hissed at me.

“Then let’s enjoy breakfast,” I said, “because we have zero to talk about in terms of you becoming a consultant.”

The fundamental difference between resilience and depression is in your choice of identity. If you choose to identify with your job title—whether plumber, branch manager, or vice chair—you will tend to lose your identify when you lose your business card or your wrench. But if you identify yourself—define yourself—in terms of your contribution, then your identify is intrinsically yours, transportable, and self-worth-maintaining. (“I create sustainable and efficient home environments”; “I provide for maximum service to create loyal customers in highly competitive business environments”; “I create and implement strategies that propel organizations beyond competitive challenges.”

The vice chair wanted to be a vice chair, period. That was his programming. I wasn’t being paid enough—hell, I wasn’t being PAID—to deprogram him.

I’m not a consultant. I’m someone who improves my client’s conditions, increasing both individual and organizational performance. HR people call me a consultant, and accounts payable people call me a “vendor.” That’s why I don’t deal with them, nor bother to try to educate them. My clients (buyers) call me a “partner.”

Don’t identify with your inputs, tasks, job description, deliverables, or business card title. They are ephemeral and are commodities. Identify with your outputs, results, and the degree to which you improve others. Those are permanent and highly valuable.

When Bjorn Borg won five Wimbledons in a row, six French Opens, and 90 percent of all of his grand slam singles matches (modern era records), a star competitor said, “The rest of us are playing tennis. He’s doing something else.”

Define what you do in terms of contributions and no one can ever take that away from you, no matter what. And you’ll be far more enthusiastic and aggressive in finding a new home for it. I was fired once by someone very wealthy and absolutely clueless. I swore that would never happen again because I knew what I could create for clients.

Control your own identity and you’ll control your own destiny.

© Alan Weiss 2010. All rights reserved.