I’m Almost Ashamed to Admit It, But…

I’m Almost Ashamed to Admit It, But…

 

• When I pet my dogs and they violently shake when I’m done, as though they have a haircut from Frédéric Fekkai that I’ve messed up, I take offense.
• The next time someone tells me a golfing story without inquiring as to whether I give a rap about the game, I’m going to yawn at the punch line.
• I would love to have a TSA job for one day to see what’s in a lot of that luggage.
• I have come to believe that stupidity is an airborne disease and calls for immediate quarantine and isolation.
• Unless it’s urgent, I try not to use public restrooms.
• I’m outraged when some airlines offer first class passengers to board fourth, and then alongside people who have purchased the airline’s credit card. Then call us “fourth class.”
• On that note, I want to trip those people who “need extra time to board” but then go tear-assing off the plane at the destination.
• One of the reasons I like Florida is that, whenever I’m there, I lower the average age wherever I am.
• I’ve had it with people asking me over and over how to do something instead of doing it first themselves and then asking me to review it.
• I believe that if you consistently refuse to use directional signals you should lose your license.
• I’d love to cruise on one of those mega-yachts, just to see if I’d enjoy it.
• When the airline tells you that you can fly cheap but you can’t use the overhead bin without an extra charge, I find that demeaning for people.
• Every single time I hear a word used incorrectly or poor grammar I correct it mentally at the moment, and think less of the speaker.
• When you can’t debate intellectually but instead resort to name-calling (“denier,” “bleeding heart”) you’re out of my life at that moment.
• I think people who watch entertainment shows that report on the lives and loves of “celebrities” have to have lower IQs than the general population.
• If you’re the mayor of any city, large or small, and you can’t get the streets plowed in the winter and can’t keep the intersections free from traffic, you ought to be run out of town.
• My opinion of the general population has plummeted with the advent of social media platforms. It’s like seeing how sausages are made.