In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking
• Wild ducks are pretty well camouflaged, but why would they have orange feet? What’s up with that?
• Do the movie theater people realize that the rote-like question, “Would you like the larger size for just fifty cents more?” is not a sales technique, it’s an annoyance?
• Why do they continue to build both planes and airports that require hundreds of people to board through a single door?
• If you drive in the rain and dark without your lights on, is there any reason you shouldn’t be arrested just for sheer stupidity?
• People who experience fine service but deliberately leave small tips or “stiff” the help by not leaving any tip aren’t frugal, they actually have huge insecurity issues. (I’m going to try to undermine your self-worth so that it’s as low as mine.)
• Do you really feel energized spending a day at a rally listening to Terry Bradshaw, Colin Powell, Bill Cosby, Rudy Giuliani, Zig Zigler, et. al. (some of the others you’d have to Google for an ID)? I feel kind of sad that these successful people have to resort to this kind of road show and motivational fancy footwork. (Some slickster called me about the Boston “rally” and offered “my staff” a $1.99 preferred seating rate if we’d help promote it!) Rudy Giuliani is a member of my cigar club in New York, and I can listen to him easily enough there.
• Has anyone ever won anything by agreeing to take part in a company’s customer survey in return for being entered into a raffle?
• Some banks now charging a fee for deposits and/or maintaining your account is a sign both of desperation and complete lack of customer strategy.
• I find virtually all wine descriptions by experts to be pompous and pretentious, to the point of hilarity: “The 2006 vintage was far more serious, with a less sensitive nose and the vaguest hints of chestnut, frosted wheat and tannin.” Really? Are you on some kind of acid before you sample the wine?
• “Breaking Bad” and “Dexter” are two mesmerizing cable television series.
• When you ask someone to send you something tangible and your email has no physical address, or someone asks that you call them, but there’s no telling what time zone they’re in, why exactly should anyone bother to try to find out?
• I love exotic cars, but watching people drive race cars around an oval hundreds of times is agonizing, as bad as watching other people play poker.
• Metaphysical question of the day: If a tree falls in a city full of people during a vicious storm that’s been predicted for a week, does the power company hear it?
© Alan Weiss 2011. All rights reserved.
Terry Kremin
Airports/planes:
The answer is: Space – the final frontier! The original plan was to have multiple doors and multiple ramps (well, stairs actually…). With the advent of more and more flights and aircraft needed, and limited space and gates at airports, it saves space having the single walk way and pulling in the planes nose first. Boils down to costs – slightly longer load/offload times, but you more aircraft having access at the same time. Simply a matter of which costs the companies the least.
The second part of the answer is damage prevention (AKA idiot proofing). Having people move equipment around wings, over wings, or both, increases the likelihood of damaging the wings and possibly the engines.
Alan Weiss
There is no reason in the world you couldn’t have three doors on one side or both sides with appropriate jetways. Airports are made for planes, not for people. Dumb.
Carlos Accioly
Actually, “Would you like the larger size for just fifty cents more?” is a great sales technique. It annoys the heck out of people like you and me but it makes a bundle from a whole bunch of people. In fact, “Would you like fries with that?” is the most profitable sales shpiel of all time.
But yeah, it sure is annoying.
Michael Gowin
On the matter of wine, are you familiar with Gary Vaynerchuk?
Alan Weiss
I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with him.