ln Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking
• I love the people who visit the hotel’s concierge lounge for breakfast in the morning directly from their workout, dripping with sweat and smelling like old socks. They can’t be bothered to clean up first, because they’re simply blinded by their own absorption.
• The difference between a London taxi driver and a New York taxi driver is the difference between someone designing rockets and someone throwing dirt against a wall.
• If you’ve ever wondered if “terminal self-absorption” was simply a play on words, just watch our president and members of Congress. You couldn’t find a statesman/woman with a magnifying glass or litmus test.
• I understand that shortcuts and abbreviations enable easy texting, but when they’re used in regular correspondence and communications they simply erode meaning.
• Some claim to follow 10,000 people on Twitter? Really? Or is that like collecting bottle caps or stamps?
• If you like great vodka, try the Russian Beluga Cold Line and the French Jean Marc XO. Don’t sully it with vermouth, however.
• Here’s a conceptual breakthrough: The reason you’re wearing sound things in your ears is so that other people can’t hear what you’re hearing, not to blast music out through your head.
• Kelly Ripa, the TV talk show host, is so thin its difficult to look at her.
• Note to people posting platitudes on Facebook: Simply being determined and passionate does not mean that you can do anything. You can’t flap your arms and fly, and you can’t sing like Sinatra. You also need the right talents and skills. Simply telling yourself dumb and empty affirmations creates the appearance of someone talking to himself.
• They’re just finding out now that dogs think like people?
• If you tell me you’ve chosen not to have children, I respect that decision as entirely appropriate and personal. But if you tell me you’re “child free” I think you’ve overcompensating and implying that I’m “child burdened.”
© Alan Weiss 2013
