Notes from the Self-Esteem Workshop

Notes from the Self-Esteem Workshop

I conducted the first Self-Esteem Workshop earlier this week in Rhode Island. The other session is taking place in Dublin, Ireland, on February 3-4:
http://www.summitconsulting.com/self_esteem_workshop_dublin.html

The population was entrepreneurial: consultants, speakers, facilitators, coaches, and a singer/songwriter.

Here are some learning points I think are worth sharing:

1. A large proportion of attendees (about 75%) felt “alone” when very young, either because they perceived themselves to be different from others or were somehow not in a “traditional,” loving family. And where are we now? In a profession that requires a certain strength in being alone!
2. “Lone wolves” don’t have much opportunity for exploring emotional issues with trusted peers. Life and work revolves too greatly solely around work, and most conversation is centered on work challenges, not personal issues.
3. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Most successful people have learned from setbacks and turned them into sources of strength and self-worth.
4. Forgiveness is critical. If you don’t forgive those whom you have perceived have hurt you, you become permanently enslaved to them (even though they might not realize it). If you allow real and perceived slights to fester, your self-worth will suffer.
5. Efficacy and self-worth are separate. You can be excellent at a given pursuit, but not feel good about yourself, and vice versa.
6. Personal relationships are a key foundation of self-worth. If you can positively and constructively engage in your personal relationships, your self-worth improves. Hence, poor relationships have to be improved or abandoned, but not merely maintained as poor relationships.
7. You can look at self-esteem as a “verb,” an action, leading to a condition, or “noun”: self confidence.
8. People carry far too much old “baggage” around, and it’s insufficient merely to drop it. You must throw it “off the train” so that it isn’t merely at your feet traveling in the same direction and at the same speed that you are. However, don’t jettison everything. Some of the positive baggage makes sense for the trip.
9. Positive self-talk is one of the most powerful tools to build self-worth. Stop apologizing and be honest about your own talent and abilities. Don’t generalize from a specific: Just because you didn’t understand a play doesn’t mean you’re ignorant about art.
10. It’s not about what life deals you, it’s how you deal with life.

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Well, Alan, this may have been one of the best workshops you’ve ever done!
Not that I haven’t loved the others, I have, but this new direction for you
was truly inspired and inspiring. GREAT experience! I am so glad you keep
re-inventing yourself, you only seem to get better and better, and by more
than 1% each time!

Many thanks, you really are such a great role model.

— Leslie Austin

© Alan Weiss 2008. All rights reserved.