The Mayfly Question

The Mayfly Question

I’m too often asked the same question by the same person, often within the life span of a Mayfly. One of the more useless of the mindless bromides is, “There is no such thing as a stupid question.”

Or course there is, and most are questions already answered but ignored.

There is a profound difference between coaching or mentoring and co-dependency (and enabling it). A healthy individual should be able to listen to the response to a question and integrate it into one’s knowledge and performance base.

The person responding to the question should make the attempt to “test for understanding”: Ask how the answer will be utilized and applied. (Example: I’ve just answered your question about how to apply value-based fees. Now I’m going to ask you, “What will you say differently to your next prospect about your fee basis?”) Very few of my college professors EVER attempted to test for understanding. They were simply testing for memory or study habits once or twice a semester. (When I ran an interactive class for grad students at the University of Rhode Island for several semesters, it was so popular and effective that an assistant dean told me I was not to continue after five semesters because the full-time faculty was complaining.)

How does one integrate learning, and how does one help someone else to do so? Without delving into the synapses and psychologically arcane, here is what I’ve observed:

1. Make sure you understand the question’s intent by asking why it’s important. Many people have a legitimate need but ask the wrong question. Find out what the need is and don’t simply accept the question at face value.
2. Ask what they think the answer is. Find out what thought they’ve given it.
3. Provide your response and ask the other person to provide an example of use and/or to repeat it in different words (testing understanding).
4. If you’re asked the same question again within a short time frame, ask the person to repeat the prior discussion, and ask why they need more help.
5. If you’re asked again over a longer time frame, the probability is that the answer isn’t juxtaposed to the actual need, and you’ll need to provide some reinforcement or reference for the situations when the answer is needed.
6. If you’re asked repeatedly despite the above remedies, refuse to answer. You’re simply enabling dysfunctional behavior.

It’s been said that if you “use a word three times, it’s yours,” in terms of building vocabulary. I have observed that if new knowledge or new behaviors are immediately implemented, they become reinforced much more quickly. You can’t wait “for the right opportunity,” you have to create the opportunity. If you’re trying to master new influencing skills, don’t wait for a moment requiring influencing, go to a meeting and try to influence the discussion.

If something is really important, why don’t you learn how to do it instead of relying on others every time?

© Alan Weiss 2011. All rights reserved.