Things and People I Just Don’t Trust
I Little Lightness in the Crisis:
- The telephone instruction “Please listen to this entire message because our options have recently changed.”
- The service line recording, “This call may be recorded for quality control purposes.”
- Most packaging that claims “100% recyclable.”
- The personal trainer who says, “WE are now going to do 15 bench presses.”
- The usefulness of a piece of mail addressed to “Alan Weiss or current occupant.”
- Anyone beginning a sentence with, “You may be right, but….” (I think you’re actually full of it.)
- Any politician who utters, “What the American people want is….”
- The sign in the restaurant restroom admonishing that “Employees must wash hands” without any note that patrons should, too.
- David Muir, the breathless prophet of gloom on ABC Nightly News.
- The school bus monitor who’s supposed to look under the bus at every stop for safety reasons, but who weighs so much that he or she can’t even bend to a horizontal position. A water buffalo could be under that bus and never be seen.
- The other drivers at four-way stop signs.
- Any sale, on TV or in print, that says “limited time” or “this week only.”
- Any expectation of an objective, bipartisan, or non-biased news story from the New York Times.
- Anyone trying to sell me any kind of internet marketing services on the internet.
- Anyone beginning an email with, “Dear beloved….” who will inevitably be a Nigerian scammer with a huge inheritance offer.
- About 50% of all weather reports, especially longer term for “record snowfalls” or “a dry spring.”
