Modern Travel

October 10, 2012

I’ve long believed that airport security operations as presently constituted are merely large employment agencies. That also applies to most government bureaucracies.

On our return from Prague to London to Boston:

• Throughout Monaco, France and the Czech Republic we were told we could recoup the odious VAT assessments only at our last country visited in the EU, which meant when we changed planes in the UK. The rules posted in London, where there was a long queue, stated that “articles must be displayed,” even though 1) the merchants told us it wasn’t necessary, and 2) you could never present them in large amounts and sill hope to pack them successfully after. However, having given up, we found another place in the terminal where an American told us, “Just say they’re in your checked luggage. These guys accept that.” Indeed, they did. The customs officer even advised us on how to more completely ensure our repayment because, “They will try to find any reason not to pay you what you’re owed.”

• In Heathrow, my bag showed up but not my wife’s. Both were marked “top priority” by British Air, which told us they couldn’t check them through to Boston, only to London where we’d have to reclaim them. British Air agents told us they were “certain” the bag was in Heathrow, but they didn’t know where, so they will now (they claim) deliver it to our home.

• Our “fast track” took us right through London immigration without any wait, quicker than local passport holders.

• Virgin Atlantic’s fast track through security wasn’t as successful. With no one there, the employees were bored and decided to go through my entire briefcase, which had passed three prior security checks without a problem. After emptying most of it and checking my pens for explosives, I was left to repack it. These people were so clueless that an iPad left at the end of the conveyor just sat there. They hadn’t realized that someone had failed to claim it until I pointed it out.

• At three security checkpoints during the trip, my wife was frisked because of her artificial knee.

We’re very fortunate. We can travel the way we choose. I’m writing this from the Virgin Atlantic lounge in Heathrow, probably the world’s best air club. Once you’re on the airplane, in a lounge, or at your destination, travel is rather romantic and exhilarating. But being considered guilty until proved innocent is not efficient and lacks humanity.