Alan Weiss’s Monday Morning Memo® – 03/21/2022
Something called “prolonged grief disorder” has been added to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) published by the American Psychiatric Association. It is now, therefore, classified as a “mental illness” and subject to reimbursement by insurance companies and makes it possible to prescribe drugs for the condition.
Sometimes known as “persistent complex bereavement disorder,” a simple explanation is that those afflicted have trouble recovering from grief and resuming a normal life. It is a constant preoccupation with grief, overwhelming one’s life. I’ve experienced this with people who abandon their businesses, give up their hobbies and interests, and withdraw (very similar to depression). They are irrational in their sorrow and loss.
Pain in life is, of course, inevitable in many forms, from disappointment to grievous loss, from setback to trauma. But suffering is voluntary, and I think that a “need” for suffering is the catalyst for long term grief.
The practice of holding a wake for a few days for someone who dies (sitting Shiva for seven days in the Jewish faith) is a means to set limits on formal grief and suffering. It doesn’t mean that the loss isn’t continually felt, but it does create a certain limit on focusing on the loss to the virtual exclusion of all else.
My anecdotal observations over decades (which would probably get me thrown out of the APA if I ever belonged to it) is that some people—that minority who would be diagnosed with PGD—have a need to suffer, to atone for a perceived responsibility for the cause of the grief. The Catholics use Lent and the Jews Yom Kippur to stipulate atonement times, but for some the atonement is eternal.
Why the need for long-term suffering that expresses itself as grief? I’m not sure, I’m not a psychiatrist. But I’d suggest that the polemic needs be about low self-esteem that creates huge guilt, and that guilt can’t be assuaged by short-term grief and/or designated periods of mourning. Hence, those suffering tend to engage in long-term emotional self-flagellation.
How many times have you had to tell someone, “It wasn’t your fault,” or “There was nothing more you could have done,” or “We all make mistakes”? That sometimes helps rational people with high self-esteem, but not those who are being irrational in their intent to suffer.
I agree that help is needed, interventions required. But I question the focus. I don’t think this is about grief, I think it’s about perceived guilt and a determination to suffer in atonement for it. Life is tough enough without feeling responsible for the losses we all endure.
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. —C.S. Lewis
Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life. —Anne Roiphe
By Invitation Only: This year I’m accepting six people for a 2.5-day meeting, June 14-16 in the Caribbean, and 12 people for a 2.5-day meeting September 6-8 at a resort of the group’s choosing. I have two seats open in June and eight in September. We stay at great resorts, work for a half-day on personal and business issues with peers, and socialize with great meals and wonderful surroundings. Spouses and partners are welcome but not mandatory! Write me to apply and/or visit here: alanweiss.com/growth-experiences/developmental-experiences/invitation-only/ ([email protected])
Return to Australia: I’ll be making my 19th trip in October, this time to Brisbane, to present a week of unique offerings from passive income and global “reach” to a new strategy approach. Join me and your peers for my latest value to grow your business and decrease your labor facing our “new realities.” There is limited seating capacity: https://alanweiss.com/growth-experiences/australia2022/
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The Role Play Workshop: Join me in Dallas on April 29 in an intimate setting for a day of role play where we exchange roles and practice from “both sides.” We’ll deal with sales meetings, referral requests, networking discussions, expansion business, advisory offers, overdue payments, rejecting scope creep, and whatever else is on your mind. We’ll also be adjusting language to reflect today’s new realities in terms of technology, remote meetings, social mores, economics, strategy, and much more. For example, do you realize there’s a vast difference between “budget” (always strained) and “money” (always available)? If you can do this successfully here, you can do it anywhere! alanweiss.com/growth-experiences/role-play-workshop/
Beyond Thought Leadership: Six “stars” from my community from five countries will be interviewed by me in this live, 2.5 day experience. I’ll be introducing new IP, case studies, and role-plays. And the final interview will be with me. This is one-time only, it was difficult to organize. Limited participation, in Miami in November, register now, no one else can offer this experience for your growth. alanweiss.com/growth-experiences/beyond-thought-leadership/
Ferocious Time Management: I’m tired of wasting my time hearing people tell me they have no time!! In a rare appearance in San Diego, I’m going to help you ruthlessly organize yourself so that you have time to close business, deliver a remote speech, create a book outline, and learn to tame wild beasts before your lunch. Seriously, time is “elastic,” and you can stretch it to accommodate what you need to accomplish. Moreover, most people work too hard to achieve too little. Discretionary time is wealth, not money, but we’re prone to work so hard chasing money that we erode our wealth. Create greater output in a 20-hour week! alanweiss.com/growth-experiences/ferocious-time-management/
