In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking

August 7, 2011

In Case You Were Wondering What I Was Thinking

• The guy watching the golf game who yells “IN THE HOLE!” after each golf shot should be crammed into a hole, with a rock then placed over it. Of all the bores, this one is near the top.

• Why would you use my first name if I’m a potential customer or client and you’ve never met me? Why not err on the side of manners? It’s especially irksome with some flight attendants who seem to think I should get them a drink.

• Everyone is afraid to say it, but the entire “child safe” and “child proof” movement is WAY, WAY overboard. How did any of us grow up in one piece?

• Of all the stupid state laws passed or not passed by dumb legislators, Rhode Island is near the very top: You must wear seat belts, to cut down on injury, death, and insurance costs; but motorcyclists do NOT need to wear a helmet, although their back seat passengers do. Does it get dumber than that? I can’t imagine how.

• Newspapers are not being put out of business by the Internet. Their slide began with radio, and they’ve simply been on a slow road to oblivion ever since, clawing and and scratching.

• In my experience, the stupidest management by industry as reflected in their lack of profits, lousy customer relationships, and absence of foresight: Airlines, newspapers, banks.

• In a world where people lose the ability to write cursively, and can no longer do math in their heads, a power outage creates a new configuration. It’s called The Dark Ages. (They lasted 400 years.)

• I’m not really that comforted by the technology that’s protecting our identities, providing for our defense, and improving our health when the answer to most computer problems remains, “Unplug it and then plug it back in.”

• When you keep using my first name (“Alan, you should listen to this….” “There is opportunity here, Alan, that you can’t ignore….”), I believe that you are condescending and up to something, trying to manipulate me with false sincerity.

• If a “full service” gas station doesn’t include cleaning my windshield or anything other than pouring in gas and taking my money, shouldn’t the choices really read: “Self-service” and “Pour your gas and take your money”?

• How long before Dyson (which is actually in the air movement business) finally creates a blower that can ACTUALLY dry a car in an automated car wash? How is it we can create wireless technology but can’t create a blower that can dry a car completely?

• Two outstanding books if you’re interested: The Most Controversial Decision (Andrew Roberts) about the actual dynamics of Truman’s decision to drop the atomic bomb, and Railroaded (Richard White) about the myths of the transcontinental railroads and how Congress conspired with a few rather pitiful industrialists to make them rich.

• In five years on the local planning board, including two as chair, I never once saw a study commissioned by the developers on traffic impact that wasn’t totally false. If you pay enough, you can get experts to see your way despite evidence to the contrary. (“Are you going to believe me or your lying eyes?”)

• We’ve purchased via Apple TV the entire seasons of Dexter, Walking Dead, and Breaking Bad, and along with the usual suspects (Damages, Mad Men, Memphis Beat, et. al.), no one needs any more of a reason to justify Cable TV or its cost. This is television at its best.