Optimism, Please
When I was managing international sales forces for a consulting firm, I had a sign in my office: “No whining.” Too often, I’d just point to the sign when one of my visitors demanded bonus pay for breathing regularly or wanted someone else’s office which was two square feet larger. Yet they wouldn’t listen to what they had to do to actually earn and merit improvement in their lot.
Yesterday, I hopped in a cab (a hop I seldom, ever make) outside the Four Seasons in Chicago to make a five-minute trip to meet a friend at a cigar bar in the the Loop. The doorman gave the driver the address, but the driver, talking to someone on a phone under a hoodie, had to interrupt his conversation to check with me twice. Ten minutes later he was stopped outside of 1900 instead of 19, and yelling at me for giving him the wrong address!
I told him to shut the meter off and stop yelling and to get off the phone. He blinked, and drove me to the right place, arguing his case all the time, and then, contritely, tried to refuse my money. He was genuinely embarrassed and uncomfortable. I told him that mistakes happen, but he shouldn’t be on the phone when he’s driving and ought to pay more attention. I insisted he take my $10 for what would have been a $5 ride, my normal tip for a short ride to be fair to the driver.
There was a huge sign in the back of the cab (underneath “Vomit clean-up fee: $200”) with complaint lines and the number of the cab. I wasn’t moved to complain. The guy is his own worst enemy, and I suspect he wasn’t just having a bad day.
We see this in business all the time. There are people who don’t perform well because they don’t have the right habits and behaviors (they do have the skills) and they don’t get (or accept) the feedback from customers or superiors that would help them to improve. In organizations, they are eventually fired or marginalized (and in poor ones, promoted). Outside of organizations, as individuals, they suffer financially from lower levels of business, poor tips, no referrals, and so forth.
Some of you may feel that my tip (or lack of complaint) was enabling poor behavior, and you may be right. But I thought he did regret his easily avoided error and felt guilty taking any money. I wanted to show him that people feel he has a right to earn a living, but he’s better off if he listens and behaves differently. I thought maybe I’d have an impact.
We all need to help our clients to identify, improve, or remove those whose behaviors result in underperformance. This is rarely a training issue, but usually a coaching issue. And for all of you, have you selected reliable, trusted feedback sources so that you can evaluate when your own behaviors are undermining your efforts, unbeknownst to you? (Get the stupid blinking metal thing out of your ear.)
© Alan Weiss 2013
Wayne McKinnon
Alan, I like your example.
I think that far too often people enable bad behavior without even realizing it. Instead, they say nothing, and the person behaving poorly learns that the behavior is correct. If this dynamic persists, there are one of two outcomes. One is disengagement by one or both parties. The other is that eventually the person enduring the bad behavior has had enough and calls the other person on their actions in a severe way which may be appropriate to the person who has endured, but extreme in the eyes of the person who thought that they were doing the right thing.
You’ve demonstrated time and again how nipping the behavior in the bud enables the person behaving badly to correct and continue down a better path, which is much better than letting the situation fester and turn into a major incident that could have been avoided by a simple nudge in the right direction early on.
I’d like to hear your thoughts on the signs to watch for that indicate it is time to give an early preventative nudge, particularly in light of your feelings on unsolicited feedback, when early feedback may actually have been welcomed.
Thank you.
Wayne
Alan Weiss
I’m not sure of the context. If at work, you have to point out where it’s in their self-interest to change behavior. If a personal relationship, it has to be in a loving and sincere discussion. It can’t be about you, it has to be about the other person and their well being. Don’t use indicators that merely annoy you, but use indicators that truly represent the other person failing in their job or personal goals.
Wayne McKinnon
Thanks Alan
Jeffrey Summers
“Earn” being the optimum word. I’m tired of paying people to mistreat me in some way and calling it business.
Alan Weiss
Jeff, that’s my view of many airport stores. The staff is ornery and unhelpful, the lines long. I said to one woman in a news store, “Very impressive, you totaled up a purchase, bagged it, and provided change without every uttering a word, let alone ‘please’ of ‘thank you.'” She just glared at me. Why would you hire and pay someone like that when so many people are looking for work?
Stephan
You could have added: “A Smile Increases Face Value”, literally.
If she had smiled you may have bought some more, increassing her value as a sales person.
PS: I used to hand out a business card with nothing else than these 5 words on it and a Smile Face below it.