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The Dog Star: An Interview

The Dog Star: An Interview

An Interview with Bentley

 

The scheduled interview by Entrepreneur Today with Alan Weiss was cancelled because he had a conflict, something about an emergency Macallan and cigar sampling. Filling in we have his companion animal, Bentley Supersports GTE of Crewe, his official American Kennel Club registered name.

 

ET: May we call you “Bentley”?

B: Of course, I only use my proper name for dinner reservations.

 

ET: Are you known in the household as a “companion animal” or “pet”?

B: I loathe “companion animal” with all the political correctness adhered to it. I’m actually known as “the dog,” or sometimes “the big dog.”

 

ET: You have a younger pack mate, Coco, correct?

B: Yes, she’s tolerable, but she steals my table scraps and fights over toys.

 

ET: How do you deal with that? Can you control your anger?

B: Yes, of course. I simply put her entire head in my mouth and it has a wonderfully tranquil effect.

 

ET: Are you happy that Alan is spending so much time at home these days?

B: If he shows up while you’re here, I suggest you call him “Dr. Weiss,” he’s not as casual as I am. But, yes, it’s great that the pack can be together all day, though he spends a large part of our time together staring at a monitor and talking to it.

 

ET: Are you technology literate yourself?

B: Of course, I run to the door to attack whoever is arriving when the bridge alarm sounds, and run to the proper door to attack anyone entering the house.

 

ET: Are you concerned that people can be terrorized by you, afraid they’ll be killed?

B: Dogs don’t kill people, bad dog owners kill people.

 

ET: Ah, you used “dog owners,” so do you believe this is not a relationship of peers?

B: You have to accommodate others’ feelings. Alan is convinced I’m a “good boy,” yet he keeps having to reaffirm it. He’s the master of rhetorical questions. We’re a pack.

 

ET: If you’re a back, who’s the alpha….

B: Sorry to interrupt, but don’t go there.

 

ET: Are you happy with your living conditions?

B: Well, free medical, a lot of recreation and entertainment, free food, free lodging, a comfortable truck to take us for coffee runs and biscuits, and free toys. We’re in Bernie Sanders territory here, I’d vote for him in a minute, but he’s to the right of us.

 

ET: Do you imagine this can continue indefinitely?

B: Hey, our ancestors wandered into human camps over 10,000 years ago and they haven’t been able to get rid of us since.

 

ET: You’re seven years old, so you’re really going on 50 in human years, right?

B: Well, you’re 35 human years and you’re asking me questions like a five-year-old.

 

ET: Is it comforting to know that all dogs go to heaven.

B: I’m already in heaven.

 

ET: What was that?

B: The garage door, I ignored the alerts, and he’s back home. I have to run over and get excited because I haven’t seen him for 45 minutes. You know the drill, right?

 

ET: Oh, right…. Hello, Dr. Weiss.

Alan: Who the hell are you?

Written by

Alan Weiss is a consultant, speaker, and author of over 60 books. His consulting firm, Summit Consulting Group, Inc., has attracted clients from over 500 leading organizations around the world.

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