Waiting for Service
There’s a book out (which I am not publicizing here) from a restaurant waiter who had been doing an anonymous blog. The “angle” is that he “discloses” what the wait staff does to customers whom they don’t like, such as playing “hockey” with a returned burger before sending it back out.
He has been on the morning talk shows, yada, yada, yada. I find him an effete, supercilious guy who is grabbing his few minutes of glory. He doesn’t have much of a story, but evidently has a truly great press agent.
Among his mundane revelations (wait staff will spit in your food, pretend your credit card is declined, spill things on you) are his self-absorbed suggestions: Never send food back, don’t ask for a better table, tip at least 20% on the total including the tax, never mention that you know the owner, etc. Matt Lauer, on “Today,” never an exciting interviewer to begin with, seemed to hang on these recommendations as though they were the formula for peace in the Middle East.
How about a customer’s bill of rights: Don’t introduce yourself as, “Hi, I’m Harry, and I’ll be your server,” the latter part of which is self-evident and the former irrelevant. I don’t want a friend, I want good service, which, if delivered, might merit a healthy tip. Assume that a self-confident customer is not going to eat substandard food or accept poor seating when better is clearly available. We’re supporting you, we’re not lab rats.
How about you learn to serve and remove from the proper sides, serve meal courses simultaneously to all diners, and remove dishes only when everyone is finished, not individually? What if you got the drink orders correct, and the olives really are on the side and not in the glass? (A waiter at otherwise outstanding Radius in Boston told me he served them the way HE preferred them, and I told the manager I didn’t prefer HIM, which led to two free meals at Radius.)
Don’t ask me, “How are things?” unless you mean it, and not when my mouth is full. Don’t bump me, the chair, or my guests when you’re in the vicinity and certainly not when you’re serving. Keep your fingers out of the food and keep the courses at decent intervals.
Oh, yeah: And don’t write any dumb books about how you’re mistreated, because you can always find other work. Outstanding servers are worth a great deal.
Whiners are useless, unless, of course, they find a really good press agent.
© Alan Weiss 2008. All rights reserved.
