You Can’t Make This Up
• Some guy joins me on Linkedin with this opening: “I’ve never heard of you, but someone introduced me to your work, and your thinking is very similar to mine.” Here’s a guy who knows how to ingratiate himself! But, at least I’ve found my muse!
• When I read about offers to buy testing materials and “become one of our distributors to increase your revenue,” you’re about as far from being a consultant as I can imagine while still attempting to call yourself one.
• There is a psychic here at the beginning of the boardwalk’s amusement area in Point Pleasant Beach. She has more permits and licenses than anyone needs to enter the consulting business.
• I noted in one of my many publications that I thought the stock market would go up no matter who wins the November elections in the U.S. I actually received a letter from an investment analyst with 24 initials after his name critiquing me for “stating something as a fact that you really cannot substantiate.” When investment people, weathermen, and sports bookies start to critique me, I need some time off.
• A woman wrote me to complain that she didn’t receive her teleconference download which was promised “within 48 hours.” I had to inform her that the teleconference was still a month away, and the interactions said “within 48 hours of the teleconference.”
• We sat in a completely empty movie theater and a woman walked in alone. She sat down directly in front of my wife.
• A patron in my bank—a materteral, gentle woman—was insisting that the teller take a gratuity for helping her with various transactions. The teller was desperately trying to refuse, and they were pushing the bills back and forth across the counter. I was wondering what the people who would watch the security tapes would think.
• I was working with a coaching client in my home who was elaborating on how he walked seven miles a day, no matter where he was in the world. Finally, I said, “I drive four miles a day, but if I feel really good, I drive six.”
“You drive to stay fit?” he asked, fascinated. Before I could reply with a great line, my wife started laughing hysterically in the next room.
© Alan Weiss 2012. All rights reserved.
