You’re Entitled, I’m Entitled, He/She or It is Entitled….
A woman asked me to visit a blog I had never heard of the other day to lend my expertise to a debate. What I found was a blog owner, who is a speaker, who had posted this situation: In leaving the stage, a man came over to him and requested help with some difficulty he was having, based on the talk. The speaker mentioned that he did not provide such help for free.
There was then a raging debate on the blog about the speaker’s “obligation” to provide help, and/or the “market advantages” of providing such help. Several writers felt he was being rude and arrogant in his response.
My comment was that this was the most insane debates I’d recently seen (if we discount the vice presidential debates). NO ONE is “entitled” to get free help from an expert. Just yesterday, someone wanted to enter my Mentor Program for free in return for my hearing his “incredible and original ideas” on some technical matters. Why him? Why should I? (I often provide scholarships and free help, but NEVER to anyone who asks, only to those I know can use the help and I choose to help.)
In the past, someone wanted the charter membership package for my Society for Advancement of Consulting® TWO YEARS after I founded it, because it was the first time he had heard of it and decided he was therefore entitled to charter membership! (I’m sure he would want to be a founding member of a club started 100 years ago if he first heard of it today.). A woman yesterday, seeking to buy my download of the teleconference “Accelerating Business In A Dismal Economy,” told me that charging her $150 for it was unfair, since it was only $100 for those who registered in advance, EVEN THOUGH she didn’t register in advance. “How would you like to settle this?” she imperiously demanded!
Here’s a hint or two for everyone. Don’t spend $2,000 trying to save $50. Don’t beg. Don’t expect that you are so unique that people should give you things for free. If you want to make it in the tough world of the entrepreneur, learn to fend for yourself. Don’t expect entitlements.
© Alan Weiss 2009. All rights reserved.
Karen Fuqua
Alan,
Sense of entitlement, what a timely and accurate post. I think this also applies to parents/kids. My daughter and I are going through a situation right now where she feels that just because she is a good kid and excels that I should automatically do x…I am trying to teach her that doing well and being a good kid is what she is supposed to do and reaping the benefits of those behaviors is the reward…well, suffice to say, it is an ongoing lesson I need to reinforce and she needs to learn… 🙂
Alan Weiss
I used to manage a sales force where the sales people wanted bonus consideration for just visiting accounts, not losing accounts, giving input to R&D: in other words, just doing their jobs. I asked if they’d like bonuses for getting up in the morning….
Kerry Stackpole
Great post and wonderful examples, Alan. The notion of entitlement is certainly rampant in today’s society. Like those who confuse assertiveness and aggressiveness, the entitlement crowd seems to think that asking for consideration somehow means you are “entitled” to receive the consideration. I’m a strong believer in the notion of asking for what you want or need with the understanding that you might or might not get it. To my mind that’s still a long way from the entitlement mania of demanding consideration and expecting to receive it.
Michael Temple
Unfortunately we have a society that is plagued by this mentality which is why we just spent several trillion dollars of money we don’t have for a bail out for everyone who asks for it. However I am interested in what you said to the women that wanted to know how you wanted to “settle” the matter of differences in prices. I know what my colorful response would have been 🙂
Alan Weiss
Kerry, agree completely. I’m always more sensitive to someone who begins, “This may be an unreasonable request, but I don’t know unless I ask,” as opposed to, “I’ve read your books and lost one, please replace it.” (No, I’m not kidding.)
Michael, I said, in response to “How do you want to handle this?”: “YOU can handle it by sending me $150 or not.”
Danielle Keister
Hey, I’m “that woman,” LOL. I always love how your creative, original takes on situations and thought the crazy, insane self-entitlement you’d see on one side of the debate might be of interest to you for your blog. It’s just astonishing to me what people think they are entitled to these days.
Love your response. I posted my comments on my own blog here (where those who are interested can also get a link to the debate): http://www.grittyva.com/2008/11/26/can-i-pick-your-brain/