Incredibly, and Mercifully, Brief Conversations
Other Person: I’m a psychic. How should I explain this to my prospects?
Me: Well, I wouldn’t lead with your methodology.
OP: You are sending out subliminal messages about me in your Tweets.
ME: I have no reason for doing such a thing.
OP: You know you’re doing it, you’re just not aware of it.
OP: What happens if you die tomorrow?
ME: According to the church or my enemies?
ME: Buyers can make decisions and spend money.
OP: I’m a buyer and can make decisions, but I need approval.
ME: From whom?
OP: My boss, who actually controls the budget.
ME: Then you’re not the buyer.
OP: YES I AM!!
OP: If you are willing to help me with my inheritance, and remove it from Nigeria, I will give you half of it.
ME: Happy to help, please send a $25,000 deposit.
OP: Can you send me one of your books to read? If it helps me, I’ll send the money, otherwise I’ll return it.
ME: Is that how you deal with Barnes & Noble?
OP: I never saw your article. Well, I must have sent it in as backup. The publisher made a mistake and published your article with my name on it.
OP: You’re a consultant? So you’re between jobs?!
ME: I’ve been “between jobs” for 25 years and am in the top one percent of all earners. How about you?
OP: I’d like to join your mentor program. I plan to become a multi- millionaire in two years with revolutionary training programs for HR departments.
ME: Let me tell you right now that’s not going to happen.
OP: Is this the way we work together? You tell me I’m wrong because you think you’re smarter than I am?
ME: No, because we’re not working together.
OP: I couldn’t get anything out of your book, there were seven typos.
ME: No, there are actually twelve.
OP: When you stood still on stage I could understand your point, but when you walked around, I couldn’t follow you at all. Do you know what that’s called?
ME: Yes, a learning disability.
OP: Why won’t you believe I’m a psychic?
ME: Why do you have to ask?
© Alan Weiss 2011. All rights reserved.