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What’s Really Meant….

What’s Really Meant….

When they say…                                They mean….

I could be wrong                                     You’re not even close

You might be right                                  You’re not even close

Can we talk offline                                  I haven’t a clue what you mean

I have various alliance partners            I’m a lone wolf tap-dancing here

Some of my best friends are gay            At least I assume they are, I’m never sure

How are you?                                             Ask how I am, who cares about you?

Let’s collaborate                                        Will you give me money?

Let’s do a needs analysis                          Because I’m completely lost here

We want to go from “good to great”       Since the phrase is easier than thinking

They want a capabilities statement         I’m stuck in HR

We had a great capabilities meeting        I took the HR people to lunch

I’m working on a book                               I’m reading chapter two

This call may be recorded                          Not that we’ll use it for anything

Your call is very important to us              But not enough to answer it live

The feedback has been outstanding          Somebody in Omaha liked it

I’m doing great                                              As if I’d tell you how I’m really doing

No problem                                                    What a pain

© Alan Weiss 2011. All rights reserved.

Written by

Alan Weiss is a consultant, speaker, and author of over 60 books. His consulting firm, Summit Consulting Group, Inc., has attracted clients from over 500 leading organizations around the world.

Comments: 5

  • Gareth Kane

    July 4, 2011

    All too true. How about:

    Do you work with the public sector? I want to get at least one ‘yes’ out of you
    Don’t print this e-mail if you don’t have to. I’m assuming you are really stupid

  • Peter McLean

    July 4, 2011

    I was confused at first and thought he was calling you stupid too, until I realised that Gareth is replicating your table: When they say, “Don’t print this email …” They mean “I’m assuming you are really stupid.”

  • Gareth Kane

    July 4, 2011

    Apologies accepted – the formatting I tried to put on it was stripped out…

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