World Class Stupid Advice
I’ve actually been told the following by “coaches” and “experts” and “gurus” over the years. They really require little explanation, except to ignore the advice completely.
• Get the audience involved by asking them to raise their hands (e.g., “How many of you have been to Pittsburgh?”). Sure, if your audience comprises six-year-olds.
• Use a workbook with empty spaces for the audience to complete (e.g., “Always be __________ when stating ideas”). Sure, if your audience comprises five-year-olds. (The correct answer is “dressed like a clown.”)
• Raise prices when demand exceeds supply. Right, if you like working all day, every day.
• Consultants are hired hands who should do whatever the client requests. Do you draw the line at changing the oil and washing the windows?
• Accelerated learning can reduce your information gathering by half. Yes, and reduce comprehension to zero.
• When you move about on the stage, I can’t focus on your points, so you need to plant yourself for people. Only if they, like you, have a learning disability that prevents you from learning from moving people.
• Replicate the movements and speech nuances of the prospect to gain acceptance. Or to gain entry into an asylum or hospital when you’re thrown out the window.
• You never break confidentiality with a client’s employee, no matter what. Great, I hope you never encounter one who wants to kill the boss or rob the warehouse.
• If you have a speech, you have a book. Of course, but an excruciatingly short book.
• To get your nerves under control, picture the audience sitting there naked. And how do you suspect they’re thinking of you standing up there?
• Always dress-down and dumb-down your language for clients, so as not to show them up. Only if you want stupid, poorly dressed clients.
• Never blow your own horn. Then get used to the silence.
© Alan Weiss 2010. All rights reserved.