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Stupid Questions

Stupid Questions

There are stupid questions, and I will now answer them:

• Q: Hotel front desk clerk, when the doorman takes my bags to the desk and says, “This is Dr. Weiss,” and she says, “Checking in?”

A: No, I’m walking my bags.

• Q: What else should I have asked you that I haven’t?

A: How the hell would I know? Do I look like The Great Kreskin?

• Q: Woman who brings me coffee only at breakfast: “Would you like cream or sugar?”

A: Yes, and why on earth didn’t you bring them with you, are they too heavy?

• Q: On an airplane with a talkative seatmate: “So, what do you do for a living?”

A: I’m a fund raiser, do you have time to hear about my work in Botswana and contribute to the tse tse fly preservation society?”

• Q: On Linkedin: “Can you give me some advice about starting my own business?”

A: Sure, if you pay me first.

• Q: How much does your car cost?

A: I don’t know, I never look at prices.

• Q: Do you have siblings?

A: No, my sister is an only child.

• Q: How much do you tip a bellman?

A: You tip him until he tells you to stop.

• Q: In a fine restaurant, is it proper to eat some food with your fingers?

A: Yes, if it’s a fine cannibal restaurant.

• Q: You and your wife met in high school! Were you high school sweethearts?

A: No, I won her in a poker game.

• Q: You were alive when Kennedy was assassinated?!

A: Yes, but trust me, it was not as moving as when we were keeping vigil for Lincoln.

• Q: Why are you so crazy about dogs?

A: Because not one of them has ever asked me a stupid question.

• Q: Do you enjoy driving the Rolls?

A: No, why would I?

• Q: Why do you wear a watch, I use my phone for the time?

A: Want to race and see who can find the time the fastest?

• Q: What will happen when you die?

A: Being Catholic, I’m hoping to go to heaven.

• Q: Do you think about death?

A: Mine or yours?


Written by

Alan Weiss is a consultant, speaker, and author of over 60 books. His consulting firm, Summit Consulting Group, Inc., has attracted clients from over 500 leading organizations around the world.

Comments: 1

  • Jeffrey Summers

    August 10, 2019

    Need to add:

    “Why are your prices so high?”
    “Why can’t you be here tomorrow?”
    “Why can’t HR handle this?”

    This list can grow exponentially.

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